Proverbs 15:22 – Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
You cannot fully heal in isolation. This journey of emotional and spiritual healing will need to include some other people. One of the persons in your network of help may need to be a Christian counselor or therapist. There is no shame in this, much in the same way there is no shame in seeing a doctor when you have an illness. Your heart has been pierced through with the dagger of your husband’s addiction. You haven’t the strength or skill to remove it on your own. You need some trained surgeon’s to help you remove it and patch up the wound.
Lots of wives struggle on the healing journey with focusing their attention on their own emotional needs. Out of genuine care for their husband’s (even in the midst of their anger and disappointment) they rush to find every solution to his problem. But this only prolongs the healing journey and allows those emotions of anger and fear to fester into bitterness and cynicism. You must take the time necessary to attend to your own wounds before attempting to assist your husband or repair the marriage.
To think in this manner is not selfish or “un-Christian.” In fact, we are exhorted in Scripture to deal with the plank in our own eye before helping remove the speck from our brother’s eye. To deny your pain in order to help your husband is not noble or biblical. It is a false humility that only leaves you sinking deeper into emotional pain and suffering. Deal with your wounds and you will have strength to spare when the time comes to work on your marriage issues.
For help in finding a counselor in your local area to help you with your individual healing needs, click here.
My needs are valid and real. I cannot attend to them on my own. I choose to invite a trusted few into my inner circle to help me receive the healing touch I need.
I will not attempt to fix my husband or my marriage without allowing for personal time to heal and grow. I will meet with a Christian counselor on a regular basis to begin this process healing my wounded heart.