The paradigm of sexual addiction is self-centeredness, seeking to please oneself without regard for consequence to himself or others. Oftentimes, along with this selfish pursuit of pleasure is a high degree of secrecy, shame and deception. This pattern of isolation and disconnection from healthy connections to pursue sexual acting out leads to tremendous strain on all the addict’s relationships, at home, work, and socially. Eventually, the addict finds himself living a double life.
With that picture of the addiction lifestyle firmly in place, now imagine that same addict coming to a place of emotional and spiritual brokenness over his addiction. He finally reaches a point at which he recognizes his inability to overcome his addiction alone and reaches out for help. Contrary to what he initially imagines as a smooth process of ever-upward growth in purity and healthy relationships, he soon discovers that the recovery process is filled with pain, fear, anxiety and guilt. It’s no cake walk to come out of sexual addiction. This is the chaos of recovery.
When a recovering addict discovers this chaos, he can make one of two choices. He can either bail out and return to the medicating behaviors of his addiction or he can press forward and practice new habits of purity and health. Even for those who press forward, the chaos doesn’t immediately disappear. Relationships are still strained or shattered, temptations are still present, and a history of shame lies still swirl around in his head. So, does this chaos ever stop?
Unfortunately, chaos is part of life. But the intensity of it can change and lessen dramatically over time. As one learns to engage the 4 Pillars of Purity all the pieces of chaos can be sorted out and a new hope is realized for writing a new chapter, one marked by peace, purity and true intimacy. And even as the unpredictability of life is ever present, the healed addict is no longer a prisoner to it. The chaos of recovery is overcome by the peace of God; which surpasses all understanding.
If you’re in the chaos of recovery right now, press forward. Get help from a qualified counselor and plug into a good support group. Don’t hide any longer behind an image of perfection. Instead, be real, confessing your struggles and weaknesses, and rest on the assurance that God’s grace is sufficient to guide you through the difficult valleys of chaos. Then one day you will stand firm, unswayed by temptation or trials.