When you hear or read the words "rear-view mirror" what nearly automatically comes to mind? 

If you’re like the majority of us it’s the flat surfaced mirror attached to the upper center portion of a car's windshield. 

What's the Purpose of a Rear View Mirror?

Have you ever asked yourself what the purpose of the rear-view mirror is? Seems almost silly to ask, right? But is it? What is its purpose? 

When I did a Google search to answer that question I received a response of 874,000,000 results in 0.65 seconds. Kind of crazy, right? 

Here’s the top answer: Your car's rear-view mirror serves a multitude of purposes that help keep you safe as a driver. The rear-view mirror promotes an alert driving experience by allowing you to see behind your vehicle without turning your head. By checking the rear-view mirror, you can monitor traffic and prepare for any potential dangers. (Dempsterqualitycarcare.com) 

Our cars also typically have two outside rear-view mirrors also. I’ll admit I don’t often think of them as rear-view mirrors, but they indeed are, but from a different perspective or viewpoint. Nonetheless, they have a rearward view and help us see blind spots the center rear-view mirror cannot see.  

Here are two more questions to consider: How often do you and I check those mirrors and how frequently is it recommended that we do? 

Here’s the answer from the same article mentioned above: Most driving instructors suggest checking your mirrors every five to eight seconds with a glance. A glance does not mean studying the mirrors, but more along the lines of a quick check. It’s important not to stare off into your rear-view mirror as you can miss hazards in front of you. 

How is a Rear-View Mirror Connected to Recovery?

I can imagine a number of you wondering where in the world I’m going with this and what it has anything to do with sexual integrity recovery and a transformational path ahead. Hang with me. 

Dr. Eddie Capparucci writes in his book, Going Deeper - How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction, this discovery; “the road to recovery from sexual addiction goes through your childhood.” 

Dr. Capparucci came to this observational conclusion while undertaking a 10 year study of the men he worked with. 

Taking this observation and then applying it to sexual addiction recovery, it is going to require a man to look back on his childhood for some critical answers. Sounds a bit like looking in a rear-view mirror doesn’t it? 

Taking the time to look back reflectively on my own childhood continues to reveal dangers and hazards I ‘ran over’ along the way. In transparency I’ve recently discovered the answer to a repeating struggle in my own life. 

I’ll spare you all the details of the discovery but In looking back, after reading Dr. Eddie’s book and conversations with my bride, that I had not properly identified a childhood wound, how it was impacting me yet today.

This new discovery from my "rear-view mirror" is enabling me to step into the grieving and healing process to release the grip of my ill response to perceiving or feeling I’ve been disrespected. It wasn’t a pleasant revelation, but I’m glad to have made it. 

This is a real and recent lesson for me from the rear-view mirror. 

Why You Must Look Back to Move Forward

Looking back on our childhood can be very difficult and for some of you reading this it may be incredibly painful, even to the point of your mind blocking much of it out. The memories for most are still there, yet buried deep. 

The road to recovery from sexual addiction goes through your childhood. The wounds that give us the need to seek a broken medication cycle must be sought out and identified to enable us to treat, grieve and heal. 

Without the preceding process being undertaken, finding real and lasting transformation and freedom will be practically impossible. 

I’m not leaving God out of the equation of this process. 

In fact, our Helper and Counselor, Holy Spirit, is vital in the journey of discovery. See we get really good at locking the doors to those dark and dingy rooms of our lives where all this painful crud resides. Some of this junk has been there for so long, we forgot where we stuffed it. 

When Hope Comes Into View

When we choose to submit to the Holy Spirit’s authority and desire to help us heal toward transformation and healing, life changing things can begin to happen. 

Hope begins to rebirth. And when hope comes back into view we can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Likely a long tunnel…but there’s light at the end.)

The Apostle Paul wrote a lot of the New Testament. As I read the verses below I see a metaphorical picture of the hope within Paul as he wrote of our imputed righteousness through faith in Jesus Christ. 

Philippians 3:12-14 (ESV) “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Paul acknowledges he’s not made this journey on his own. Jesus has given him new hope and strength to have obtained this righteousness. We too can obtain this freedom birthing righteousness in and from Christ on this journey to sexual wholeness and integrity. 

While Paul is fully aware of his past and humbly speaks of his condition, he also encourages us how to see. 

Paul has looked in the rear-view mirror and seen his past, learned from it but chose to leave it behind. “Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead…the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." 

Paul also wrote in Galatians 5:1 that “it is for freedom that Christ set us free.” Let us choose to not look back on the bondage of slavery. Use the rear-view mirror to locate those dangers that linger and even creep up on us from the past. Then use those discoveries to strain forward to what lies ahead. Jesus, the Author and perfecter of your faith. 

We use the rear-view mirror to look for dangers that pursue us, but not to live in and with those dangers that are no longer a threat.

​Learn from what’s behind, but leave it behind. 

Cut the bondage rope. Use all of our rear-view mirrors to be aware of the blind spots and trust God to reveal any unseen dangers. 

Learn from your past, but let’s not live there. Live in the forward moving vision of transformation and freedom, not the bondage of the past. 

There is a process to recovering fully from sexually addictive patterns. It is simple: Heal --> Grow --> Share. In a previous post I wrote about what healing looks like in this process. In this post I want us to explore the next stage: Growing. This stage focuses on three primary areas of growth: emotional, spiritual, and relational.

Emotional Growth

No one struggling with sexually addictive patterns is emotionally healthy. You might want to pause and reflect on that statement for a moment. You might even want to argue with it. But in my many years of hearing thousands of life stories of sexually addicted men and women, I have yet to meet one who exhibited emotional health or maturity in conjunction with their addictive lifestyle. Emotional maturity and addiction just don't go together.

Therefore, it is essential that emotional health be a high priority when seeking to grow into a man or woman of sexual integrity. This means "growing up" and leaving childish ways behind.

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man (adult), I gave up childish ways.

Most sexually addicted individuals act like children emotionally. This is largely due to the fact that lust teaches a person to be self-centered, controlling, ill-tempered, angry, and deceptive. Just like a 2-year-old. But in order to be a mature man or woman of integrity, childish ways must be given up.

Often, counseling can be very helpful in understanding and overcoming childishness. Also, getting into a group of mature people can help sharpen these emotional skills.

Spiritual Growth

The bible promises that if we walk by the Spirit of God we will not gratify the lusts of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). But how do we "walk by the Spirit?" By deepening our intimate relationship with God through Jesus. We must grow in our dependence upon God. 

Most of us know the things to "do" when it comes to "spiritual growth," but few engage these activities in the way God had in mind. We know to pray, read our bibles, feed the hungry, care for orphans and widows, and serve the poor. But too often we engage in these disciplines with a "box-checking" mentality, not with a heart eager to know God.

Spiritual growth never occurs through activity alone. God is a Person, to be related to intimately, not as something we do, but rather as Someone we know. 

John 14:3-7
"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”

Spiritual growth is about knowing the Way, not as a religious ritualistic journey, but as one knows a Person. Jesus is THE WAY! On this journey of growth as a man or woman of integrity, you must know Him. May this change how you engage prayer, bible study, and fellowship with others. These are not means to an end, they are ever-present points of contact with the living Jesus.

Relational Growth

Every sexually addicted person has damaged relationships. Lust and love are not synonyms. Therefore, in order to move forward to a life of integrity, you must grow healthy relationships. You must learn to relate well with others.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Healthy relationships require stuff that doesn't exist in addiction. Stuff like sacrifice, forgiveness, sharing, communication, honesty, faithfulness, patience, and lots and lots of love. These are not characteristics that tend to come naturally, especially if you have had lots of practice being a self-centered addict. But there is good news! These are skills. Therefore, they can be learned.

The best context to grow relationally is -- in relationships! Duh. So, talk to your spouse. Spend time with your kids. Share your story with someone. Connect, connect, connect. Don't worry about "messing it up." There is no such thing as a "perfect" relationship. But you can have healthy ones, if you will work on growing in the area of relating well with others.

Growing is essential in becoming a strong man or woman of integrity. There are no shortcuts on this journey. But from a solid foundation of healing, you can grow into the person you always wanted to be. And from there, well, some pretty amazing things can happen...

Get More Help: 

Resources for Men
Resources for Women

Triggers. Triggers are mysterious. They can be sight, smell, taste, a spoken word, a way you are touched. So in essence, all five senses are affected by triggers. If we have had any form of trauma, abuse, neglect, loss, we continuously attach those moments from the past to other things as time moves on.

For instance, if we were in a serious accident we might hear a screeching tire and freak out. If we lost a child, anytime we see a child their age we can be triggered and feel the loss as if it had just taken place. It usually leads to episodes of anxiety, isolation and for an addict, acting out in their addiction to escape the pain.

Think for a moment about the nation of Israel. They grew prosperous under Joseph in Egypt. (Genesis 41:41) But then after a few hundred years of flourishing and working as shepherds and farmers in Egypt, a pharaoh arose who knew nothing of the legacy of Joseph, the famine, how God rescued them, (Exodus 1:8) and he decided that because Israel was growing too big for his own comfort, they would subdue Israel and make them slaves.

As the story goes God heard their cries for freedom and sent Moses to deliver them. After 10 plagues and Pharaoh losing his firstborn son the Israelites were allowed to leave. God promised to bring them to a land flowing with “milk and honey” and a place they could forever call home. It came with a catch though. They had to go in and subdue the godless nations there before they could claim it. Beat down slaves had to go to war? Seriously?

The First nation they were to face was Jericho. A huge walled city that towered over the land. After a couple months of hanging out in the wilderness, providing for their every need, Moses sent 12 spies into the Promised Land for reconnaissance. Two of the ten, Joshua and Caleb said, "No problemo. We can take these cats with the Lord on our side." (Reese Revised Version) However, the other 10 said "No way, Jose! They are huge! We look like grasshoppers in their sight!"

They were triggered.

These 10 were also in Egypt treated as slaves with whips and forced to build the huge buildings that made up that towering metropolis. In fact, all they saw when looking at Jericho was a city that reminded them of Egypt. They most likely began to relive the pain of the whips, their feet in the clay making bricks and the harsh treatment from Egyptians taskmasters and fear gripped their soul.

And what if they lost the battle? Who knows what Jericho might do to the survivors. Beating? Raping? Other forms of torture?  "No way am I going back to that again!" (Funny how later on in the wilderness they complained about their conditions so much they thought going back to Egypt was the lesser of two evils).

That one negative report caused God to say, “Ok you don’t think I can handle these guys after how I set you free from Egypt? Do you not remember that whole parting of the Red Sea where you stepped onto dry ground and crossed over into the land I was giving you and then I completely plundered the entire Egyptian army under water? Then you will stay in the wilderness and the generation to come will go in and take the land." And so it was.

The Israelites stayed in the wilderness for 40 years and the former generation died off except two - Joshua and Caleb.  At around 80 years of age or so, they entered the land with the others of the younger generation - now middle aged - fought the battle and defeated Jericho. (Joshua 6) It could’ve happened 40 years earlier but everyone was afraid. Because they were triggered, those 10 spies sewed an incredible amount of fear among the whole nation of Israel - numbering most likely in the millions.

Triggers can prolong our journey to true freedom. Sometimes for decades. If we allow them to loom large over our life, like a walled city, we will never enter into all God has for us to experience. There’s a saying, “It’s always today in Traumaland.” But you can move through to tomorrow by holding fast to a loving Father who will not only carry you through the pain, the fire and the flood (Isaiah 43), He will fight the battle for you. (2 Chronicles 20:15-17).

Recovery from sexual (or any) addiction is difficult. (How's that for an understatement?) It's a messy process that requires fundamental changes to a person's life that previously had been left unchecked and unaccountable. Now there must be openness and honesty and community and self-examination and my goodness I'm getting exhausted just writing about it! But what I often see work its way to the top of the list of frustration in recovering sex addicts is that how to recover becomes more important than what needs recovering. Let me illustrate.

A Conversation with a Guy

A guy comes into my office (let's call him Guy). He has developed a deep sexual addiction over the past 20+ years. He was recently caught in an affair and began going to counseling and plugging into a weekly support group. It has been six weeks since he was caught, and now he sits in front of me to tell me his story and see what I have to say to him. This might be how a portion of that conversation would go.

"So, Jonathan, my wife wants to separate, my employer is weighing legal options since the affair was with a co-worker, and I'm hoping none of this leaks out to anyone in our church; my reputation would be shattered. How can fix all this?"

"What do you think needs fixing?" I ask.

"Are you serious? Have you been listening? My wife wants to leave, my job is on the line, and if this affair and the history behind it get leaked to my church, we could lose all our friends. What do you mean 'what' needs fixing?"

"Well, you have been married for 15 years, right?"

"Yes."

"You have been at this company for 10 years, even getting high praise and promotions along the way?"

"Right."

"You are a prominent member and supporter in your church and have a reputation as a selfless person."

"Okay."

"So, I'll ask again, what needs fixing? It appears like you have it all together."

"Maybe for now, but it's on the verge of collapsing."

"And if you can keep your job, stay married, and be the 'good guy' at church, everything will be fine? There wouldn't be any need for significant, fundamental changes in your life as a man? Are you serious?"

"I guess I see your point, but how do I change?"

"Guy, you need to first focus on what needs to change before you can even consider how to change it. Let's start peeling that onion back and see just how deep the pain, secrecy and selfishness that led to secret sin goes. Then we can talk strategies for change. Are you willing to start this journey of discovery?"

"I hope so."

Focus on WHAT First

This is just one small example in thousands where well-meaning people who desire change get the cart before the horse. You cannot effectively map out strategies for recovery ("how") until you have thoroughly identified the brokenness ("what"). But even after you uncover all that needs healing in your life, you must continue to remain focused on what God wants you to do about it rather than how to do it. In fact, God emphasizes what over how a lot!

Here are just a few examples of "what emphasis" in the Bible:

You shall not commit adultery. (Ex 20:14)

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph 5:3)

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. (John 13:34)

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. (Gal 5:16)

And there are many others; pray for each other (James 5:16), carry each other's burdens (Gal 6:2), walk in the light (1 John 1:5), this is love for God: to keep his commands (1 John 5:3), My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you (John 15:12). These are the "what's" of recovery and faith. But God is generally pretty silent on the how's. Why is that?

HOW Can Be a Distraction from Connection

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to drift from emotionally and spiritually connecting with someone when the relationship becomes more about "how" than "what?" It's like the "system" of relationship supersedes the importance of authentic presence, interaction and, well, relating. Life becomes an endless list of boxes to check off, ensuring to everyone watching that how you live is the model of perfection (and you usually don't mind the accolades that follow). In essence, you become a lifeless, empty image-builder; shining and spectacular on the outside, but void of any real substance or beauty on the inside.

As Jesus bluntly put it, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." (Matt 23:27-28)

Please don't misunderstand me to say that how we live is unimportant or that God doesn't value how's (for instance, how we are saved is through faith alone in Christ alone; there is no other way, or "how," to be reconciled to God). But the greater value must be placed on what needs healing and what we are called by God to be.

You can never engage a healthy "how" until you have plunged to the deepest depths of humility and honesty before yourself and God. Then, out of the brokenness of the real you, a new life emerges, ready and able to follow wherever (and however) the Lord leads.

So, what needs healing in your life & what is God telling you to do about it?

3 Questions for Diagnosing WHAT Needs to Change

Jesus boiled down what the focus of our lives is to be as his followers: love God and love your neighbor. (Matt. 22:37-40, Mark 12:30-31, Luke 10:27) It's really pretty simple, even if it doesn't come naturally to any of us! In order to discover what needs to change in our lives, we need to analyze the degree to which our lives are aligning with Jesus' simple command.

Here are 3 key questions to help you discover what needs to change:

1. What sin are you returning to again and again?

Sin, in all its forms, pulls us directly away from loving God and loving our neighbor. It is a declaration that I want to choose how to live my life independent from God and His Word. Sin is rooted in pride, and pride is not an attribute of love.

When habitual sin takes hold of our lives, that's a major problem. That is a "what" that needs to be addressed in order to be redirected toward love. When you get clear on the specific sin(s) that needs correction, then you can start working on the "how" of correcting it. 

2. Who is truly Lord of your life?

There is only one God. He is Creator and Sustainer of life and the cosmos. But he made human beings in his image, with the ability to choose. We consistently choose against him and his ways. There is a battle that rages in the heart of every human: will I trust and obey God or will I trust and obey myself? In every moment of life, we are choosing someone to be Lord.

What do you believe gives you the greater probability of loving God and neighbor: surrendering to God as Lord or choosing to live by your own wisdom and will? (The answer is obvious, right? Even if we rarely choose the right answer...)

When you confess Christ is Lord, then with the help of His Spirit, you can start mapping out the steps that will lead to greater faithfulness. 

3. In what ways are you ignoring or harming your neighbor?

You were made for love and to love. God loves you and wants you to love others in the same way. But as we have shown above, pride and self-centeredness harden our hearts. Sometimes we don't even recognize how deeply we are hurting those around us because of our sin and pride.

Ask God (and some family and friends) to help you see the ways in which you are ignoring or harming others. Confess and repent. And begin looking for opportunities to love others in the same gracious way God has loved you. 

When you get clear on what needs you change, then you can start working on how to change. 

The three most important days of your life:

1. The day you were born.
2. The day you were born-again.
3. The day you discover why.

 
Jesus asked this most critical question of his disciples in Mark chapter 8, verses 27-29.

And Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi. And on the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” 28 And they told him, “John the Baptist; and others say, Elijah; and others, one of the prophets.”29 And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, “You are the Christ.” (Emphasis added)
 
Who we believe Jesus the Christ to be is the most important answer in life. That answer determines the path toward healing and freedom and the discoverability of the purpose of our lives. No other question you will ever answer has the impact of this question.
 
My Story and My Answer
 
I was around the age of 12 when I stumbled upon a pornographic magazine in our home. That moment changed the course of my life forever. In a moment, how I viewed life, women, self, and others began a dangerous and twisted path that nearly led to me taking my own life at age 42.
 
Pornography became my drug and medication of choice for physical and primarily emotional pain. I experienced bullying in various forms as a child and adult from various sources. Many without intention, but certainly some people quite willingly inflicted emotional and physical wounds on my young self.
 
I married the most grace filled woman at age 24. Nearly 38 years later I’m married with the same stunning woman. We are parents to 3 adult daughters, a grandson and son-in-law that we don’t deserve, but thank God for daily!

But there was a time I feared I was going to lose them along with a hopeful future. That began when Julie (my wife) discovered a nearly two-year-long online relationship with another woman.
 
That was in late 2003 and it was during this time period thoughts of ending my life became a planned way out. But God in His mercy stopped me in my (car’s) tracks on a Friday evening.
 
But God

I’d realized I needed help when my depression was so severe I literally could not make myself eat. I was losing weight at frightening speed.
 
In March of 2004 I was part of a stage crew at a Christian event in our small town. I met new friends and began making changes I knew I needed to make.
 
The path was being paved for me to confront my belief about the person of Jesus. Following the event, a concert, I knew something was different within me. I could not readily identify it until the next morning. As I sat on the couch listening over and over to two songs from the album relating to the night before, my heart broke. Snapped like a twig.
 
That morning the answer became clearer than even before. Jesus was and is my Savior! I didn’t simply invite Jesus into my heart and life, I quite literally begged him to come in and take over.
 
He did and continues to do the good work today that He began in March of 2004. I once was blind and by God’s grace now I see.
 
The call on my life (and yours?) is revealed
 
It’s actually clearly and simply revealed what God’s call is on every Christ-follower’s life. Jesus himself spoke it in Matthew 28:18-20.

18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Emphasis added)
 
Life’s call revealed and a promise given; Go make disciples and the promise from Jesus to always be with me on this mission and our given purpose. The call for all of us is to make disciples of Jesus Christ. For those who are followers of Jesus we know this and believe it to be truth.

I have found meaning, purpose and how to live out that mission in relationship with Jesus. So can you.
 
God will not force himself on us. It’s by grace through faith we find salvation in Jesus the Christ. It cannot be earned. None of us is good enough to do that. It’s why Jesus went to the cross. To pay a price you and I cannot. A price we owe but are woefully incapable of paying.
 
A Good Work Prepared – Your Unique Purpose
 
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Before our birth, God ordained and created for each of us good works to do. As we pursue our relationship with Jesus, God will reveal those works to us. It takes intentional effort and persistence to discover and clarify that purpose, that good work.
 
The journey to discover or re-discover your God given purpose that has been uniquely prepared for you awaits. Through a process that challenges you to interpret your life in a way you likely never have, your purpose is discoverable.
 
What Gets in the Way?
 
The list of what distracts us from fully engaging the healing journey and discovering our purpose or even catching a glimpse of it is lengthy. Here are a few of the more common sources of distraction. (Certainly not exhaustive)

• Our job
• Illness
• Pride
• Addictions
• Shame and it’s lies
• Other’s expectations of us
• Relationships (good and not so good)
• Faulty belief systems
• Emotional wounds

 
Maybe you can identify your healing and purpose killer in this list, or maybe not. The important truth is that you do have a real God given purpose for your life. A purpose that only you can truly accomplish. This purpose will bring you fulfillment and more importantly help others as the primary by-product.

Unhealed wounds will and do get in the way of experiencing God’s life to the full he intends and the purpose He planned in that fullness for us to “walk in”.
 
Our purpose is not primarily for us, but it can and will fulfill us in so many ways. And right now, I invite you into the journey.
 
This is the good work God has called me to. It’s an honor to serve Him, by serving you. I’d love to hear from you. If you have an interest in finding out more about how the healing and purpose discovery process works, please reach out and let’s have a short visit.
 
I’m still a student of this journey and suspect I will be until the day Christ returns or calls me home.
 
Courageously forward my friends.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." -Chinese proverb

​If you or someone you love is addicted to pornography or other unhealthy and unwanted sexual activities, there is certainly sickness present. It may not be a physical sickness (although many porn addicts report they don't feel well much of the time). But there is always emotional and spiritual sickness in those who develop sexually addictive patterns. And if the one sick is to become well, healing must occur. 

Before we dive into what it takes to heal from sexual addiction, we must understand the overall process and purpose of recovery.

Recovery is a process of healing from unhealthy compulsions and growing in one's God-given identity, for the purpose of encouraging others with similar struggles.

It is a lifelong process that invites a person to exchange their life of addiction (self-centered idolatry) for a life of purpose and meaning (selfless acts of service). With this in mind, let's dive into what it takes to heal from sexually addictive patterns.

Diagnosis

Proper healing never happens without proper diagnosis. If you suffer from a head cold and a doctor inaccurately diagnoses you with bronchitis, whatever treatment is prescribed will have little effect on your actual illness. It is important to assess the problem carefully in order to develop a quality treatment plan. 

When it comes to sexual addictions, it isn't as easy to diagnose as a head cold (or even bronchitis). There are many variables:

• family of origin issues,
• abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual),
• trauma,
• sexual history,
• exposure to porn in childhood,
• religious beliefs,
• and more.

This part of the recovery journey can benefit greatly from counseling by a qualified sexual addiction counselor.

Take your time in the diagnosis stage. Be careful not to get "stuck" in analysis, but also don't be too quick to rush to "solutions" before you have adequately unpacked all that has been bottled up deep inside.

Secrecy is a big part of developing (and perpetuating) an addiction, so it is likely that it could take a while for everything that has been hidden to come into the light for examination. Be patient and keep bringing it all out. It will be painful, but it is pain with a good purpose: healing. 

Prescribe treatment

Once the diagnosis is made, there must be a plan for treating the sickness. How would you like to go to your doctor with the head cold I mentioned earlier, and after he diagnoses your cold he stands up, shakes your hand, and dismisses you from his office? No prescription. No advice. Not even a "hope you feel better" as you head for the door. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't keep that doctor. 

The same should be true in recovery. Too often people keep going back again and again to "doctors" (i.e. helpers in recovery) who do nothing more than tell the patient, "Yep, you're addicted to porn and sex. Good luck." What? Healing from a sexual addiction does not occur through diagnosis only. There must be a plan for getting well.

The combination of counseling and support groups can be very helpful when developing a plan for your specific needs. These are environments that are designed to give you the time and space you need to absorb new thoughts and engage in healthy relationships that motivate you to live in a different way -- free from addiction.

God's Word is our ultimate source for truth and wisdom and guidance. And for those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ there is the promise of the indwelling of his Holy Spirit to "guide us into all truth." (John 16:13) Dig into the Word of God and spend time in listening prayer to learn what steps God wants you to take in your healing journey.

But a "prescription" doesn't fill itself. You ultimately have to "take your medicine."

"Take your medicine"

I remember being sick as a kid -- a lot! It felt to me like I was going to the doctor every week with a sore throat and fever. Every time I started to feel bad, I knew what was coming: the spoon. Yeah, I think you know what I'm talking about. The spoon that carried this liquid that was a color no one can describe. And the taste. Well, I'd rather not talk about it anymore. I'm not feeling too well...

I'm not sure why most medicines can't taste good, but it seems to be that way when it comes to the ingredients that make us well. The same is true in the healing process of recovery.

I wish I could say it "tastes" good to confess sin and brokenness, to make amends, to humble myself before God and others, to resist temptation, to reach out for help, to set up boundaries at home and work, and much more. But what the "prescription" for a life of integrity lacks in taste, it makes up for in effectiveness. This is what it takes to heal.

When you discover that the prescription, or plan, for your healing is actually for your good, you won't be as likely to resist it. In fact, you will reach out for the "spoon" and drink the weird-colored medicine because of its transformative effect. Over time you will even begin to "feel" better, not wallowing about in the cloud of addiction, loneliness, and shame. This is what healing looks like, and it is the first step of the long, and rewarding journey of recovery.

For help in healing from sexual trauma or addiction, consider the following resources:

Gateway to Freedom (3-day workshop for men)
40-Day E-Course for Men
40-Day E-Course for Women
Online Care Groups for Wives
Professional Counselor
Support Groups

How does your story fit into the Prodigal Son story? 

Jesus got a lot of opposition from the religious leaders of his day. They didn't like what he was saying about God and his kingdom; his teaching didn't fit their narrative. So, in order to combat their false narrative, Jesus told stories to illustrate what he was teaching about God and how life was to be lived in His kingdom. 

One such story that Jesus told was about a father and his two sons (found in Luke 15). It was actually the third story in a string of stories Jesus told to try and communicate how God loves to celebrate when lost possessions of great value are found.

The story of the Prodigal Son is about Pride, Prostitutes, Pigs, and a Party. As the story unfolds, see where your own story might intersect and discover God's heart for you no matter where you are on your journey.

Pride (I want it my way!)

Jesus said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them." (Luke 15:11-12)

One day this son goes to his dad and demands that he give him his inheritance. This is a bold, arrogant move because the father isn't even dead yet!

Before we wag our fingers too strongly at this young man, we probably ought to examine our own hearts on this matter. For all of us, in one way or another, have demanded the same from our heavenly Father. We may think because of our hard work "for the kingdom" God owes us blessings of comfort and prosperity. Or maybe we have some understanding of the spiritual "riches" we have in Christ but think we can then just snap our fingers whenever we want to "actualize" such "heavenly wealth."

Pride blinded this young son to the actual goodness of his father and the riches he already possessed as a member of his family. The more his eyes became fixed on himself and his own desires, the less he was able to recognize and enjoy the love and presence of his father. Dad was no longer a person to be known, but merely a resource to fund the son's selfish whims.

Amazingly, the father gave the son what he asked of him. What grace! And what wisdom. Some lessons can only be learned by actually receiving what our selfish hearts demand. 

Whenever I have pushed back in disagreement or anger on any of God's boundaries, I have learned the hard way that the source of such rebellion was pride. In the moment, I couldn't see the love and kindness and wisdom of God's restriction; I only saw it blocking me from what I wanted. 

Many times God would eventually give me what I was asking for, and I would do with His resources exactly what the Prodigal Son did with his father's inheritance: run away from home.

Prostitutes (the "fun" of sin ... for a season)

Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. (Luke 15:13)

The son finally had what he asked for and he wasn't going to waste any time getting busy with living however he wanted. He split town and headed to a place where no one knew him and he wouldn't be "bothered" by those religious restrictions of his father and their community. 

I'm sure the son was having a fun time. I had lots of fun while I was sinning. Sin is fun! It feels good. It feeds base cravings and urges. But it also operates like a snowball rolled down a white-capped mountain. At first it seems manageable, but eventually its size and speed become unstoppable and dangerous. 

The text says this boy "squandered his [father's] property in reckless living." Some translations say "in sensuous living." Sin is about the senses consuming whatever they can. Taste, touch, smell, sound, sight. Notice how sin entices the senses to take; the basic nature of sin is greed. 

In a short period of time the young man blew through all the money his father had given him. This is what happens when sin is allowed free reign in a life without any restrictions or boundaries. 

God didn't establish boundaries for us because He doesn't like us or doesn't want us to succeed or be satisfied. His law was given to show us the insidious nature of sin and how it will utterly destroy our lives if we give into it. God's law is based in His love for us; He is a good Father!

And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. (Luke 15:14)

​Eventually, the ways of pride and greed lead to loneliness and and even greater need. The Prodigal Son, like us, thought that if he pursued everything his heart wanted that he would find true satisfaction. Instead, he found himself broke and alone. His condition actually worsened. This is the nature of sin: it leads to destruction.

But the son wasn't quite ready to give up on his venture. He still thought he could solve his problem on his own. He hadn't yet reached the necessary point of brokenness that would lead him home.

Pigs (the brokenness of true repentance)

So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. (Luke 15:15-16)

​The Prodigals Son's selfish decisions eventually landed him far from home taking a job he likely would have never considered just a few short months before: feeding pigs.

This may not seem like that big a deal to you, especially if you live in a western, non-Jewish nation. But when Jesus told this story he was speaking to an all-Jewish audience. The imagery of this young man taking a job to feed pigs would not have been lost on them.

Pigs were considered an "unclean" animal according to Jewish law. the Jewish people were not to have anything to do with pigs. So, the fact that this boy even considered taking a job feeding them was an indication of just how far he had wandered from his home. But even more startling than this boy feeding the pigs was the feeling he was having toward them: envy.

"...he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate..."

There probably couldn't be a better way to describe the lowest possible feeling that a Jew could have than to say he envied a pig! And that is exactly where the Prodigal Son found himself, feeling lower than a pig.

But Jesus knows that this is a great place for a wandering soul to be. Sometimes it takes a journey of prideful self-indulgence to get us to finally acknowledge our sin and brokenness. Many a soul has found the hope and delight of God's grace while covered in the muck of a stinky pig pen. And this is exactly what the Prodigal Son discovered. 

Party (the joy of a faithful Father) 

But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” (Luke 15:17-19)

The Son finally "woke up" and came to his senses. He realized where his pride had taken him and he remembered the kindness and goodness of his father. He then formulated a plan to repent of his sin and make amends with those he hurt by his selfish actions. He hoped and prayed that he might just get a bunk with the servants.

Little did he know that the kindness and goodness of his father ran so much deeper than he imagined. 

And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:18-24)

The father spent every day since his son left scanning the horizon in hopes that he might see his silhouette coming down the road. Now, finally, after many days (probably months, at least) he sees the figure of his son returning -- and he cannot contain his joy!

He runs to his boy (something a Jewish man with his wealth would never be expected to do!) and wrapped him in his arms and kissed him. The son tries to get his confession out, but the father overwhelms his words with an avalanche of grace. He calls out to have him clothed like royalty and for party preparations to be made immediately.

Imagine yourself as this son.

​The last time you saw your father you were demanding money from him in a way that wished he were dead. Now, as you return home, covered in caked on mud and filth from the pigs you envied, this same father is embracing you and showering you with kisses and demanding that a party be thrown in your honor.

How do you respond? How could you respond? Do you see that grace has the power to completely overpower your defenses of shame? Could you respond to such grace with a statement like, "But Dad, are you sure about this? I mean I really screwed up! This party is way too much."

Your heavenly Father knows every step you have taken in your wanderings from Him. He knows how you have squandered his wealth on reckless living. He has seen the heaviness of your heart as you stare with envy at the "pigs" you are feeding. He feels your brokenness as you come to your senses and begin your journey home.

No matter what you have done, God's heart bursts with joy when he sees your silhouette rise on the horizon. He can't contain his joy as he runs to you, smile on his face, to sweep you up in his arms, kiss you, and throw the greatest party you could ever imagine. 

​That's how much your Father loves you. If you've been wandering, will you come home to him?

The last 2 years have been challenging and interesting, to put it mildly. 

I’m one of those people who seeks God for a “word” for the year. In late 2019 as I sought God for that very thing what I heard was not one, but two words: Grateful Vision. 

In 2020 what I received was the word: Joy.

Little did I understand that those three words combined would be a compass to a lesson and path God would lead me down as well as allowing me to experience (once again) the pains when I think my way is better. 

I am a perfectionist, but I’m just horrible at it (I borrowed that phrase from a good friend). Admittedly, that stung a bit when I realized how accurately that describes me. 

Lessons Learned

#1 - We often see things as we are, not as they actually are. 

The tendency for many of us is to see what's happening around us through the filter of our current circumstances. In other words, if our situation is troublesome, difficult and very painful, we tend to see the world around us through that lens. 

This can send us in a downward spiral and we find ourselves (not everyone I understand) headed into depression-like mindsets. Even those who are typically glass-half-full folks over time slide towards the half-empty viewpoint. 

This can be especially true for those in the midst of recovery and a grieving process. And, the holiday seasons can add to this. 

In 2020 and into the first half of 2021, the two words, Grateful Vision, quickly vanished from my daily thinking and I found myself battling my old nemesis depression and anxiety. 

It was mid 2021 before God opened my eyes, ears and heart to some cherished wounds, fears and anxiety that I’d been harboring in the deep corners of my soul. That’s where this lesson came to light and the journey out began. 

Our Response: 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

#2 - Gratefulness is an antidote for Fear and Anxiety

Choosing gratefulness and thankfulness as a focus of our thoughts and daily actions will begin to displace fear and anxiety (anger also by the way) from our hearts. This does not happen by osmosis or accident. 

Make a list of items to be grateful for and place them where you can see them every day. Not only read that list but speak the words out loud a couple of times every day. There’s a powerful transaction and impact on our minds as we hear ourselves speak truth over our own lives. 

Seeing gratefulness as part of a daily worship practice is a helpful mindset. 

Our Response: The Apostle Paul exhorts us to think this way as he wrote to us in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

#3 - Gratefulness Lets Joy Back In

Have you ever felt like the joy in life has just left the building? 

That’s what happens when fear, worry and anxiety have the throne of our hearts and souls. It can feel like darkness or heaviness is constantly sitting within us. 

It can become exhausting and a drain on our energy and resources. Thinking becomes foggy or a struggle. The ability to focus for long periods of time becomes difficult. This is exactly what I experienced from mid 2020 to mid 2021. It feels like your emotional tank is almost constantly nearly bone dry or close to it. 

Sleep can become disturbed or even if you sleep decently, you wake up tired still. If that connects with you in some way, I’m sure you’re not alone nor are going crazy. After all, the last 2 years kicked many of us around a bit.

This lesson on gratefulness and joy hit me in the midst of God leading me back to a wise counselor who helped me process what I was feeling. He helped me to see how my self talk had become toxic and gently re-focused me back to Jesus. 

We have a real enemy that has come to, “steal, kill and destroy”. As part of his deceptive methods he relentlessly works to get our eyes off God and on ourselves. He wants to get us distracted and wrapped up in our own desires and little world. 

When fear, anxiety and anger (and the like) wiggle their way into our minds, gratefulness and joy begin to be suffocated. Then, Satan can stand back and let us become our own worst enemy. 

The lesson hit me hard during a week long sabbatical in September. Sitting in the woods of a retreat center I heard the thin whisper (still small voice) of the Holy Spirit. What He reminded me of was that all my worries about finances, lack of joy in my soul and having forgotten the call to “Grateful Vision” left me feeling very depleted and fearful. 

I was truly living in a crippling fear of any financial calamity (imagined), health issue and feeling like I was failing as a man to provide for my wife in a way I believe she deserves. 

The bad news: If I can be honest with you, I hated living this way and what made it worse was the awakening to the truth that I’d walked myself right into the valley of the shadow of death. 

The good news: Psalm 23:1- 4

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

Our Response: Remind ourselves that the Lord is indeed my shepherd. He may not remove us from the valley, but He is walking through the valley with us. He guides, provides and sustains us through it all. He is faithful and will do it. 

This song from Josh Baldwin, Evidence continues to be a reminder of the faithfulness of Jesus the Christ in my life. God uses this song yet today to guide me back to the truth of Psalm 23. 

If you want to live a life of sexual integrity, you need to improve at resisting sexual temptation. If you don't improve at the point of temptation, all other learning and practices won't matter much.

In this post, I want to unload the best ideas for resisting sexual temptation that I've gathered and practiced in over 20 years of personal pursuit of greater integrity and professional ministry to thousands of sexual addicts.

These ideas are more practical than philosophical. After all, in the moment of temptation you need to take action. I hope these simple ideas will help you make better choices when tempted.

If you have some ideas that have helped you, I'd love to hear them. Send me your ideas for resisting sexual temptation, or post them in the comment section below.

Here are 7 ideas for resisting sexual temptation:

1. "I don't need to know that!"

"You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Gen. 3:4-5)

Every sexual temptation is an attempt to convince you that you need to know something that you don't. In other words, temptation is inviting you to "peek over the fence" to see what's on the other side. 

One way to resist such temptations is simply to tell yourself: "I don't need to know that!"

God created us originally to only know good. But Satan convinced Eve and Adam that good wasn't good enough; they would be "better" if they knew good and evil. He tempted them by convincing them they needed to know something they didn't. This is at the heart of every temptation.

I realize saying "I don't need to know that" may be easier said than done in the moment of temptation, but give it a try. You might learn to relish such "not knowing."

I have been telling myself for over 20 years "I don't need to know that" in response to thousands of temptations. I can testify from experience, such "ignorance" truly is bliss.

2. Run Away!

"Flee sexual immorality..." (1 Cor. 6:18a)

Temptation of any kind is inviting you to stay and move toward it. This is why God's Word tells us to flee!

There are likely very few times in which you physically can't move away from temptation (for instance, if you are in an airplane). Most of the time, however, the option to move is available. Take it!

Interestingly, when you physically move away from temptation you are also activating other parts of your body to help with redirecting your attention. Such parts include your circulatory and respiratory systems which help with blood flow and oxygen to your brain, giving your prefrontal cortex an opportunity to "light up" and make a wise choice.

3. Look for God

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Cor. 10:13; emphasis mine)

Maybe the furthest person from your mind when you are sexually tempted is God, but you are certainly on His mind in that moment. In fact, He already knew (before you were born) that you would face that particular temptation -- and He has provided a way out for you!

Since it is true that God provides a way out for every temptation you could face, why not look for God and His way out when you're tempted? The more you train yourself to look for God when you're tempted the sooner you will resist temptation and get back to God's business in your life.

4. Talk to Your Future Self

You have probably heard (or said) the phrase, "If I knew then what I know now..." It is a way of saying that you would have made a better choice in your past if you had the information then that you have now.

What if you learned to reverse that process? Instead of wishing a different choice on your past self, what if you "talked" to your future self when you are tempted? Such a "conversation" might go like this:

Temptation strikes...

You: Hey, future self, if I say yes to this temptation where does that lead me?
Future You: You will have a few moments of excitement brought on by adrenaline and dopamine and endorphins, followed by a crash that results in disappointment and shame. Your soul will feel heavy.
You: So, what happens if I say no to this temptation?
Future You: You will have a struggle for a brief time while you navigate yourself away from the temptation, followed by a deep sense of relief and gratitude to God. Your soul will feel light.

Some self-talk can be very healthy and constructive. Give it a try. I think your future self will thank you.

5. Phone a Friend

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. -Galatians 6:2

Temptation is very personal, but that doesn't mean you need to face it alone. It is important to have some close friends who know your struggles and can help you resist temptations when they arise.

Thankfully, the world of technology we live in today makes it quite easy to reach out in the moment of temptation. Sadly, though, very few use this technology for this reason. Fear and shame can often paralyze us from reaching out for help when we need it.

I suggest that when you reach out to a friend for help to resist temptation that you connect with them verbally. Text or email just doesn't have the same effect as getting on the phone and speaking with a friend about the struggle you are facing right now.

When sexual temptation strikes, phone a friend and bear the burden together. There is strength in numbers when it comes to successfully resisting temptation.

For a simple, but effective, tool to help you reach out for help when tempted, check out this amazing app from our friends at Triggered.app. 

6. Turn "What If" into "What Is"

It is very common when tempted to get on a "what if" train of thought. This creates all kinds of scenarios in the mind about what might happen if this or that decision is made. But it is important to recognize that everything about "what if" thinking is speculative; it isn't yet real.

Therefore, a good way to combat "what if" thinking, and to resist sexual temptation, is to replace "what if" with "what is."

"What is" thinking brings your mind back into reality. It grounds your thoughts in truth. Sometimes this is as simple as looking around the room you are in and naming items you see. Lamp. Chair. Bookcase. Window. 

This may seem "silly," but I encourage you to try it. You might be amazed at how something so simple can break your "what if" fantasy thinking and bring you back into the real world. And once you are "reconnected" with the here and now you are in a much better frame of mind for making a different choice about whatever you do next.

7. ​Choose the Narrow Way

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." (Jesus in Matthew 7:13-14)

A life of sexual integrity doesn't form and mature naturally. In other words, resisting sexual temptation is not easy. There is struggle. It is a battle to say no to temptation. But it is a battle that is worth it because victory leads to peace and joy; to life itself.

Jesus said that the "easy way" is a wide gate that leads to destruction and many take that path, but that the "hard way" that leads to life is a narrow gate and only a few find it. This doesn't mean that God is cruel and wants to make it impossible for you to enjoy life. It means that you will "reap what you sow" when it comes to the investments you make in choosing to be a man or woman of greater integrity.

Will you choose the wide, "easy" gate or the narrow way of Jesus? Temptation would want you to believe that the easy way is the way to real satisfaction, but I think we have all walked that path enough to know that is a lie. While the narrow way doesn't look appealing (or possible) on the front end, it leads to lush pastures of true and abiding satisfaction for the soul. 

Let's be courageous and take the narrow way when it comes to resisting sexual temptation. 

I hope these ideas have helped. If you have ideas that have helped you resist temptation, please post them in the comments below. 

Stories. They can be fiction or nonfiction. There can be varying degrees of truth and creative freedom in the mixing of the two. 

What is also true about most stories is their ability to connect with us at a personal level. They enable us to enter into another person's life even to a point of empathy, depending on our personal experiences relating to a given story.

The greatest of all nonfiction stories ever written and told is that of Jesus the Christ. The core tenants of His story are amazing. God in full deity chose to come into His creation in the form of His own creation. Mankind. 

Jesus, born of a virgin girl in a very unclean stable, grew up experiencing the typical life of a child in the culture and society of that time. Yet fully God and fully human He grew up until He fulfilled the mission for which God sent Him: death on a cross. Many believed that was the end of Jesus' story. 

It was not. 

It may have been a chapter change, but Sunday morning, the third day was a barn burner of a new chapter of new beginnings! Jesus rose from the grave. He is alive! And Jesus' story continues to unfold before us today as the Gospel goes forth and his name is proclaimed. 

He continues to set captives free and welcome His brothers and sisters into the family of God. What a story!

What about Your Story?

You do have a story. A story that can inspire others. Encourage at least one person (and likely many more) to keep going another hour, day, week and beyond. Believe it or not, your story matters. 

You may say “but my story is a mess right now. How can I encourage anyone else with that?” Faithfulness to the truth of your story and transparency as you keep moving forward, no matter how slow it seems can and will give others hope. 

And hope is at a premium in today’s culture and world. 

God is the ultimate giver of Hope, and through Jesus the Christ can empower your story, even if it’s currently messy, to have impact and give hope to another. Hope usually looks a lot like someone who refuses to give up. 

Below are the lyrics from My Story sung by Big Daddy Weave and written by Michael Weaver, Jason Ingram

If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine

If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

But if people knew!

I can almost hear some voices saying words akin to: Yeah, but if people heard my story, what I’ve done, there is no way anyone would listen or learn from it -- or even care. Can I be boldly honest with you (I’m going to anyway…) that’s a lie straight from the father of all lies, Satan himself. 

Here’s what I know. God works in and through our confession and testimony and Satan hates it.

As we learn to share our story in proper context, form and settings we are living out James 5:16 where we are called to “confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another so that we can be healed.” The enemy of our soul hates the truth, which sets us free and will do whatever he can to keep you quiet about your story. Especially if we can sing; “Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him!”

Now I will qualify this story telling with a word of caution. If you’ve never shared your story with anyone (outside of a counselor or in a similar environment) then getting wise guidance on how and when to do so is important. 

It’s easy for the best of intentions to go sideways on you here. Sharing too much at the wrong time or environment can be painful or overwhelming. I’ve done this too many times, especially early on in my recovery journey. Please learn from my mistakes and the guidance of others. 

I Think I’m Ready to Tell My Story. What now? 

Great question. We have a form that you can use (See link below) that you can use to assemble your story. If you’ve never given your story a shape or words (a voice), this form can be a great starting point. 

And you don’t have to go alone. You can submit the form and someone from our staff will be happy to follow up with you after you’ve hit the submit button. This is a short story version of the form. 

At Be Broken Ministries we value story. Your story. Your story and ours are in a continual state of being written (and rewritten!) with new pages and chapters being added by the day. 

The song ends like this: “This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior, all the day long.”

I pray that in the days ahead, this too will be your song.


How to Tell Your Story
The information you submit on this form is confidential. Only care members of our staff will see your entries. We are here to help you, not harm you. ​