I MISS prison?!
If you know me personally, you already know I have recently transferred from one Federal Prison to another. As I sit here at my new temporary residence I find it odd that I miss the old one. Don't get me wrong, many of the things I miss are good, godly things: friends, church services, activities.
I think what I miss most is familiarity. I am having to learn a new schedule, a new way of doing everyday things. There are new officers, new inmates; all new faces. There are new programs, new classes, and new activities. None of these are good or bad, in and of themselves, they are just new.
I am having to find new ways of doing things, because I am separated from that old place.
When we finally separate from sin, or a particular sin, we must have new ways of doing everyday things. Going to work, using our computers, meeting people for business lunches. These things, too, are not good or bad. Some of these things are just necessary things in order to function.
For those of us struggling with sexual brokenness, new ways must be found for functioning in our everyday world. Heading to work will require us to use an alternate route that does not take us by that sex shop, strip club, or suggestive billboard. Our home or office computers will have to be moved to common areas and kept from private use. Or perhaps our computers will need to be password-protected and accountability be had with a family member or a trusted godly friend. Business lunches must be held in groups of three or more when the opposite sex is involved.
If we leave our old prison of sin we MUST be ready for new faces, new activities, and new ways of doing everyday things. Of course, it's not easy. Leaving behind sin never is. We must be ready and WILLING to make compromises and concessions. We must be ready and WILLING to make new acquaintances and associate with new people. We must be separated from that old place.
Yes, I miss that old prison, but I know I am in a better place. I know that this is the next phase as I prepare to re-enter society. When I finally do leave prison, will I miss it? Many inmates do, as is evident by recidivism rates. Brokenness and sin will be a prison for us if we lack the will to change.
I am broken, but I am separated from that old place.
Written by Dennis
Friend of the ministry
There is a mistake I see virtually every man make in recovery. It is the mistake of defending "rightness." Let me explain.
Every man who enters recovery has a history of deception; of others as well as himself. He has told so many lies it would be pointless to try and tally them up. When the truth of his secrets comes to light, the people closest to him recoil in shock and hurt. They feel the sting of betrayal that his lies brought. They wonder if they can ever again believe anything this man tells them.
As the man pursues recovery and begins to experience some healing and freedom, he realizes that the ones he hurt are not so quick to "get on board" with his new life. They remain skeptical, even defensive; even accusatory. And for the man in recovery this causes him to feel the ironic sting of hurt and befuddlement. Few, however, recognize the irony. Instead, they rail against the accusations with a fervor of "righteousness."
This is a bad idea.
To defend being right when your history has been mostly wrong is a fool's endeavor. Even if the man in recovery is totally "correct" in his defense of his new life and behaviors, such defense does nothing to aid in the restoration of the relationship. Sometimes it is much wiser to endure suffering for the sake of reconciliation than to demand rights that will only ensure further relational fissures.
When a man learns to lay down his rights at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ (the One who understands unjust suffering better than anyone!), there are no accusations that can upset him. Whether the barbs and accusations of loved ones are justified or not, the man learns to find his identity in the grace of Jesus, not in how "correct" he might be in his recovery. This is the humility that leads to repentance and a completely transformed life.
Are you a man struggling with false accusations in your recovery? Do you feel the need to defend yourself? Slow down and follow the example of Jesus. Even when He was perfectly justified to defend himself from his accusers, He chose instead to entrust himself to the will of the Father. While He suffered immensely for remaining silent, His reward was great -- and so was ours: Jesus reconciled us to God!
If you want restoration in your fractured relationships, humble yourself before the Father like Jesus did. You may still have to suffer immensely, but your reward will be great. You will gain wisdom and the blessing of God, which is far greater than simply carrying "rights" -- all by yourself.
Written by Jonathan Daugherty
Founder of Be Broken Ministries