John 16:20 – I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
Your life will never be the same. This is the harsh reality of disappointment and broken promises. But this is also the point at which healing takes a turn for the better. When you are able to truly grieve the loss of “what should have been” and embrace the path of sufficiency found in God’s grace, your heart will begin to mend. As with the entire healing process, this is no easy journey.
The pain you feel is real. No sense in denying it or minimizing it. You may be tempted to deny the pain, but in doing so you are merely lying to yourself and those around you, thereby prolonging your suffering. You may also want to minimize the pain to appear more “spiritual,” saying things like, “God is bigger than any problem I might have” or “Nothing is impossible for God.” While those statements are true, your heart won’t heal until you have accepted the reality of the wounds you have suffered. Feel the pain, embrace it, and grieve the losses you have endured.
The Scripture above (Jn. 16:20) is taken directly from the mouth of Jesus. His friends and followers were deeply saddened by his words telling them he would only be with them a little longer. In many ways, they were experiencing similar emotions you face. Fear of things changing. Apprehension about what the future could be like. Sadness over losing something they now possessed. You too face changes ahead, not knowing what the future holds for your marriage. You also are losing your familiar, albeit destructive, way of life. A time of grieving must occur for the healing journey to continue.
Most wives get stuck at the grief stage of healing. They either will not accept that things must change or merely discount the very deep, painful wounds in their heart. Don’t get stuck. Press through, grieve the pain, and trust God that in time your grief will turn to joy at the wonders of his grace.
I accept the reality that my life will never be the same. I offer the broken pieces of my heart and marriage up to God, that he might shape and mold me into his image.
I choose not to deny or minimize my pain and loss. I acknowledge this new reality and grieve the death of old dreams. I embrace, by faith, the path God has for me from this point forward.